Friends. Just Friends?

Chelsea says that every girl has to have a gay best friend. Someone to be bluntly honest with you whenever you need a straight opinion. She recently acquired one that she met in one of her classes. His name was Ricky. He wore tight skinny jeans, and bright colored sweaters. He listened to Nicki Minaj at top volume, snapping his fingers to the beat. He was going to try out for the school's dance team, and I was pretty sure that he was going to make it. He and Chelsea always were spending the mornings in the dining hall discussing clothes, shoes, and men.

John says that it's alright to have a straight guy friend. A kid that you call bro, and your relationship is strictly platonic. My friend was Michael. I've decided that he was too cool not to talk to, so I started to text him again, keeping it fairly innocent. However, the whole fact that I had a boyfriend never came up in our conversations. I knew that he wanted more then the innocent side of life, more than just friends. Whenever he sent me a winky face, a dagger stabbed me in my side, a reminder that I did have to break his heart eventually.

“Hey Chelsea?” I asked, as she came in late at night from a sorority function. I couldn't sleep, because I was wrapped in the arms of guilt.

“Hey! Why are you up so late? I expected you to be in bed right now”, she said, throwing her keys onto the desk.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure,” she said. “Is everything okay? Is it John?”

I'm pretty sure that she secretly thought that John and I were no more.

“Yes, yes everything's fine.”

“Then what is it?”
“It's this kid. Michael is his name. I met him when I hung out with those art people a few weeks back and we clicked.”

“So you like him, like him”.

“That's not the problem”, I said dismissively. “The problem is that I want to be just friends, and he wants to be more then just friends.”

“I see. Well tell him how you feel. Unless you've subconsciously want to be more then just friends.”

I raised my eyebrow. “I just want to be friends.”

“You sure?”

“Of course I'm sure, what do you mean if I'm not sure?”

“Well, you seem like you like him.”

“Chelsea, I have a boyfriend.”

“That doesn't mean that you can't look.”

“Whatever”.

“Hey you asked for my advice, and honest opinion. That's what you get”, she said.

“Fair point. Good night!”

“Night,” she said.

The next day, John was going to come up to see me and we were going to spend the night together. The last time that we had done this was prom weekend, when we decided to spend the entire weekend together. To our parents and our peers surprise, we had not had sex. It seemed that after two years of being together, we should have lost our innocence a long time ago. But in reality, it was something that we wanted to do when we felt like it was the time and place to do so. We were too young to deal with those kinds of problems and those kinds of things, in reality.

“Hey”, a deep masculine voice purred.

I turned around. There was Michael, with his black Fedora wearing skinny jeans.

I couldn't help but smile. “Hey yourself”, I said. “What's up?”

“Just got outta class, and you?”

“Same here”, I said.

“Wanna grab something to eat?”

“Sure”, I said, then I stopped myself. “Wait, I can't”.

“Why's that?”

“My boyfriend's coming in from home.”

He look dissappointed. “You have a boyfriend?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said. Instantly, I regretted telling him. I looked at my watch and realized that I did in fact have a few minutes to kill until John was expected to arrive. “Wait, maybe we can hang out until he gets here?”

He smiled. “Good, good”, he said.

We walked together to the dining hall. My iPhone buzzed.

John: Stuck in traffic. Plan to be there soon. Stupid rush hour.

Me: Okay!

I put my phone in my pocket.

Michael looked at my narrow face. “What's wrong?”

“My boyfriend's stuck in traffic”, I said.

He pretended to mask his excitement, but failing completely. “I'm sorry.”

I shrugged, surprised that I wasn't as mad as I should be. Or sad even. I just wanted to go to the dining hall with Michael.

We grabbed ice cream cones with sprinkles and sat at the bar. We were the only two in the room, or at least it felt like it.

“So, Alexis”, he began.

“Yes?” I asked innocently.

“I think you like me.”

“Of course I do”, I said, licking my vanilla cone. “I mean I wouldn't be hanging out with you if I didn't.”

“No Alexis I don't think that you're getting the point.”

“What do you mean?”

“I like you. Like I have a crush on you. You're cute and funny, and you write amazing poetry. I wanted to ask you out today, because it feels like we have a vibe going on. But you have a boyfriend. However, you act like you're single.”

“How do I act like I'm single?” I asked with an extreme desire to kick him in the balls.

“You didn't mention your boyfriend until five minutes ago. You flirt with me”, he said.

I didn't answer because I knew he was right.

“Need I go on?” he asked me.

I froze. Ions of time seemed to pass before I could say something. Or even find something to say for that matter.

“Michael”, I finally said. “I do have a crush on you too. Like I think you are cute and adorable and I find myself wondering what it would be like to be lying next to you. But John and I have a history. We have a past. His hand held mine when I needed it most. It's grown comforting. I love him.”

“Are you in love with him?” he asked.

I didn't answer.

“I figured.”

My phone buzzed. John was almost here. “I better go”, I said. “My boyfriend is here.”

“Not so fast”, he said. “I'm walking you to your dorm.”

I didn't argue.

We chatted like nothing happened, like that conversation just vanished into thin air.

Finally we reached my dorm. I didn't want to leave him, for whatever reason humanly possible. If I didn't know any better, I would say that I liked him as more then a friend. But, I knew that people would be getting hurt if I admitted to that weird instinct.

“You know what I would do if you didn't have a boyfriend?” Michael asked.

“What?” I asked.

All of a sudden, it seemed like time stopped as our lips met. It felt like the closest thing to magic. I didn't want it to stop.

“Well now you can do it all you want-she's not my girlfriend anymore!” a voice said. I looked up. It was John.